Perez | Rich Munchkin Man

Too much effort to retype. Thanks to Naia for the pics:

7:10 AM me: hiiii
Meghan: hey hey
7:11 AM me: met perez



i mean...



Meghan: WHERE?!?!?!?
me: he seems like a sad sad man
do you know danny r?
Meghan: yeah that's not surpising
me: he's friends with him
Meghan: don't think so
me: danny is naia's friend
gay
Meghan: ok
maybe
me: i'm sure if you facebook him you'll recognize
Meghan: yeah
7:12 AM me: anyway yeah. he was just kind of sitting there looking like he'd given up on life
people would come up and talk to him
and he looked aloof
not like mean aloof
but like exhausted aloof
Meghan: awww
me: anyway i told him i think he's sometimes a douchebag but seems like he might be innately a good person
and he smiled and said thanks
7:13 AM i was like whatever, if you trash people all day long you can take a backhanded compliment
Meghan: hahahaha
seriously
me: haha
Meghan: and it was semi-nice!
me: it was i thought
Meghan: more karma for dennis!!!!!!!
me: i meant it
hahaha
i know
how crazy is that shit

(Keep in mind Perez not too long ago used to look like this:)



(Don't believe in karma? You should really start.)

----------------------------

ohhh
and then we met the 7th richest man in the world
literally
craziest story ever
7:14 AM Meghan: shiiiiit
that's pretty rich
me: roommate danny and i are sitting being stand offish
some little bald arab guy comes over
he seems nice and is like is there somewhere to sit?
i pat danny's inner thigh
"right here baby"
Meghan: hehe
me: and he actually goes and sits
7:15 AM we laughed
and then he has this younger cute friend with him
so he's going on and on about how he owns some belly dancing restruant
and splits his time between bel air and lebanon
and has this CRAZY diamond encrusted watch
and i'm like clearly this man is someone
Meghan: yes
me: he's like a crazy funny little man
7:16 AM so i'm like i'll go talk to cute sidekick
he's like 26
blond
preppy looking
from connecticut
we're talking i'm like how are you friends
he's like oh we go way back and met when i was abroad in lebanon
i name drop about how i know king abdullah of jordan
Meghan: okayyyyy
me: and will be visiting
7:17 AM Meghan: hehe
me: finally when he is convinced i am somewhere near his social class
he admits that he is a bodyguard
and the little man is the 7th richest man in the world
and i'm like are you armed?
and he like gives me a peek at his holster
crazy
so the little man LOVES danny
7:18 AM Meghan: ha!!!!!!!!!!
awesome!
me: wants him to teach him english .....among other things
Meghan: hehe awesome
me: and he loves me because i am so much taller than him
and i was like tell him english lessons cost 5 million dollars
Meghan: yesssssss
me: LA is too weird
Meghan: per 15-minute block
me: yeah
7:19 AM and i hit it off with security guard
at first claimed he wasn't
when i figured it out i was like you're his security guard
and he was like no i'm not
but any time crazy little man (hassan)
wandered away
he'd just drop everything and follow him
and just watch him
Meghan: that's so crazy
7:20 AM me: yeah
they live in bel air in a 20,000 sq ft estate
that danny was shown pics of by hassan
hassan is drunk
and starts dancing around saying "I'm RICH!!!!! I'm RICH!!!!!" like a little dancing munchkin
Meghan: shut UP
me: it was the funniest thing i've ever seen
Meghan: that's hilarious



Bodyguard actually looks a little like KG...



7:21 AM i'm glad he can enjoy his largesse so freely
me: yeah
i like the word largess
7:22 AM Meghan: oh yeah
so
who's going to france?
7:23 AM i'm looking into it
i want to come
me: not sure yet
i hope it's a small group
Meghan: nice
7:31 AM me: oh and of course bodyguard's last gig was angelina
7:33 AM Meghan: really?!
please befriend him and learn everything
me: i mean i guess if you're tasked to defend the 7th richest man, you better have some credentials
Meghan: yesssss
7:34 AM me: and we talked about how angie seems like such a great person and a genuine humanitarian
7:35 AM versus leo who is like douchebag look at me! i drive a prius, save the polar bears! this is such a lamely transparent ploy to have a cool hip save the world image!
Meghan: yes yes
me: but he had nothing but awesome things to say about angie
Meghan: yay!
me: which makes me forgive her a little for stealing brad
Meghan: she is so crazy!
but i'm glad she has directed her craziness in a positive direction
7:36 AM brad is a douche
7:37 AM me: yeah
such a douche
how could you do that to rachel
Meghan: i know
very tacky
me: i think i'm just going to blog our entire convo
7:38 AM i don't want to retype
i think i conveyed the event in a readable way, yes?
Meghan: yes
throw in some better witticisms for me
me: hahaha no