Guest Blogger: Crazy Asian Photoshoot

Guest-blogged by Anne

The campaign was so interesting.

Day 1 - fitting for 8 hrs (after travelling for 24 and NOT checking into my hotel).
The other models are very nice. One, Toon, is a flight attendant on Thai Airways. Remember those pretty purple outfits! I commented that her uniform was so nice. She rolled her eyes. Her English is not very good. Maybe something was lost in translation? Hmm.

The other model, Roberta, is Brazilian and now lives in Kuala Lampur, but planning on returning to Brazil. She is a dentist there, but doesn't work in Malaysia. Yay dentists!!! I love going to the dentist. Probably because I never have cavities. This is genetic and probably helped by our first-world-fluoride-in-the-water, but no matter. Having no cavities makes me feel very proud of myself.

The production staff are really great. They are: Ricko, Cristina, Amanda, Kim, Yen, Penny, James, and Alfred the director.

Day 2 - Go to hair salon. It's very chic and I am very excited. They play crazy Asian bouncy remixes and I am full of caffeine. It is glorious. Get hair dyed. Just before they put the noxious smelling paint on my head and wrap me in saran wrap like a deli sandwich, I hear one say something about 'henna' to the other. I should have known. Henna must be red in every language. They add something to the wonder paste.

Wind up with a yucky fuschia mess an hour later. Everyone is at lunch. Start to cry. Realize this is a teensy bit immature. Wait to see what the client thinks. The client says it's not natural enough. This is a major understatement, but Asians can't be mean. So it goes. More noxious paint.

An hour later I am a weird burgundy-brown and have undergone TWO hair treatments so cannot have more. The stylists tell the hair salon they can work with it, I wonder if I can. My mother suggests hats for when I return home. This is a good option.

We have dinner with the TV production house crew and director. Stinky tofu is still gross, but funny to see people try it.

I wash my hair that night. In the shower, when wet, it feels remarkably like hay.

Day 3 - meet at 6.30 am for the first day of TV shooting. The studio is on Broadcast drive! Makeup is fun, hair is hurting b/c of all the extensions. Video is hard. So many things to remember and only a few takes to get it right. There are a bunch of extras there. 2 male models, and a few women to set the scene of the studio.

The Chinese have this culture of staring. They stare and stare- I look back sometimes with my best: 'what are YOU looking at?' face. They stare, unfazed.

So, that culture combined with being the center of attention in a room of 40 people means everyone is staring at you all the time. Every minute. All day. They stare, and they talk about you. Then they comeover and fix something. Hair mostly but clothing, body position, face, hands etc. Sometimes they just look at you critically, point, discuss and don't do anything. So awkward.

Thank goodness I don't understand Chinese.

Roberta is really fun. We laugh all the time. Yay for Roberta :) i'd like to visit her in Malaysia.

In my solo takes Alfred, the director, gives me direction on the attitude he wants me to have. His English is great but still it's a foreigner's english. 'Look confident' then 'Look like you know everything' I'm supposed to be smiling of course.

Okay, so he wants me to look smug. I put on my best smiling smugly face. It is 9pm. I am so tired. It is 9am in NYC and I look/feel like I pulled an all-nighter. The camera rolls. Alfred says: 'That was okay, bu I need you to be more confident, you know? You are so happy and confident' and then it comes: 'look like you are happy you did something mean to someone'. I stared at him blankly. He wants me to look evil? I have never felt this attitude nor do I think I can even conjure it up. Plus I need to smile? So weird. He saw my face and said: 'Eh, let's try something else..."

HK to BKK: "On is OK?"

with guest-blogging by Anne

Woke up early and said goodbye to little Zoe who I guess was sad to see us go...



Early morning flight to Thailand.

Annie no like.



Meanwhile, Felix skipped around gleefully, kicking his heels.




On the plane, Annie slept. (With a bra on her face.)



While Felly gamed on the DS I gave him for Xmas.



Three hours later we were sitting in traffic in beautiful Bangkok.

The 45-minute cab ride from the airport cost us ohhhh about $15 total.

Bangkok is so cheap.



The Shangri-La was very pretty.

First fancy adult hotel I think any of us have stayed in independent of our parents.




Our suite was spacious.



With nice big king-size bed.



And a bidet!



Also we had a great view of the river.





When we were checking in, they told us the room we originally reserved could not accomodate three people, and thus they were switching us into a suite at an additional cost of $150.



However, we later found out that the extra $150 (or $50 a person) included free giant buffet breakfast (to be seen in the next entry) AND 5pm-8pm free unlimited cocktail hour + high tea-snacks in the lobby bar overlooking the river sunset.



Yay!








After cocktails I think we were all pretty trashed and we decided to walk around.

We walked down our little street.



Discovered the greatest little coffee shop with amazing coffee.




And then decided to get massages at our friendly neighborhood whorehouse massage parlor.

I personally kind of hate massages due to a prior experience which involved bruising and screaming, so I opted for the one-hour head and shoulders massage.

Felix and Anne decided to go for the pricier ($10/hour) full-body oil massage.

They tried to give them a shared room and they were like no no no no no...

Actually maybe I should let Anne tell the story.

Anne?

.........................

I have so much work!!! Wahhh!!!!

Fine. I'll do it. But only because this was one of the funniest things that happened the entire trip.

So Dennis passed out within seconds of his sitting down for his head/shoulders massage.

They led me and Felix upstairs to a row of rooms with massage table/beds and tried to put us in the same room. We insisted on having separate rooms. Still they tried ushering us into that room.

(You have to understand that the Thai commonfolk barely understand English and thus it is difficult to really communicate anything to them.)

Finally though we managed to get private adjoining rooms separated by the thinnest walls ever.

I wrapped a towel around myself and got down on my table and my massage began. It was AMAZING.

Then I could hear Felix shuffling around in the next room.

"Can I keep them on?....No, Is it okay keep on?...Um, On is okay?"

I could barely contain my laughter.

As Felix came to tell it later, the masseuse was literally on her knees trying to pull his shorts off while he was trying to communicate to her that he did not want a happy-ending massage. Throughout the course of his massage, the woman kept making her way toward his groinal area and he would have to politely redirect her. Very relaxing I'm sure.

As for me...everything was great...until my masseuse-woman straddled me...and massaged my boobs. Awkward.

Tomato-faced New Years

Guest-blogged by Anne
(who remembers it all much better than Felix or I do)

To start the night off, we had an awesome meal at home, surrounded by Kwanz and a few bottles of Prosecco.



While I was getting ready...



I suggested to Dennis that we have roadies made for the subway ride to HK Island.




Roadies in general are a fabulous idea.

Roadies, when made by someone who mixes drinks with a 4:1 vodka:mixer ratio (Mercy), are a bit dangerous.



And off we went.




It was a beautiful night.




The subway was PACKED.



Editor's note: Halfway through our subway ride, I looked over at Anne who seemed to be pale , wide-eyed, and staring ahead blankly.

"Annie, are you ok?"
"....."
"Do we need to stop?"
"....."
(Train doors open at the Jordan MTR stop)
(Anne shakes her head a little and is suddenly focused.)
"We're getting off the train."
"Now?"
"NOW."

With that I looked behind me, grabbed Felix (who was mid-swing around a subway pole) and we shoved our way out through the crowd, eyes darting back and forth searching for some kind of restroom.

Nothing.

We ran out of the nearest subway exit, up a few escalators, and into a semi-closed shopping mall where after rounding several corners we finally found a public toilet.



We waited for our pretty little companion for a few minutes, during which we got in several sets of lunges.






I seriously thought this was the end, but Anne rallied like a true champion.

And now I will give you back to her.

...................

By the time we arrived in Central District, Felix and Dennis were in fine form and ready for the countdown. It was a little after 11, they had each finished off a water-bottle roadie and about a bottle of prosecco each.

Due to previous instances of stampede-ing, the streets leading to the Lan Kwai Fong area were blocked off from traffic and sidewalks were routed to accommodate the enormous influx of people.




We finally got to LFK which was a total mob scene.

Luckily we had our Asian giant to lead us through the masses.




Then, almost magically, someone near our group spoke to a (or bribed) a group of policemen who then helped us plow through the crazy crowd, right up to the entrance of our club.




Editor's note:

Since TimLoh was off making the panties drop Stateside, Chev took the reins in planning our New Year's celebration and got us set up with a table and an epic New Year's Eve party at Cliq, yet another new HK club.

It was SO MUCH FUN. I wish I had not been blacked out for most of it.

Back to you, Anne.

..................

The club was so fun!!!

Bottle service, Felix running away from all the random Chinese girls who wanted to dance with him, and Dennis rocking a bad-ass Asian flush the likes of which I have never seen.









(Editors note: In case you're new and wondering why I'm wearing a hand-bandage, click here.)

We rang in 2008 with Dennis' friends and extended friends - definitely the nicest, prettiest group of people I had met in HK! (People in HK are seriously hideous.)

The countdown was fast- 10-9-8-7…1. It took us about 3 seconds total, but we weren't even sure when the New Year had come as the DJ had no mike.





Dennis got more and more disheveled by the minute...




...while Felix danced up a storm and literally had to fight-off female admirers.



One girl, who looked like a flapper from the 20's (with stupid hair to match), pursued him AGGRESIVELY.

Dennis stuck his tongue in Felix's ear to show her who was boss.



Everyone was so nice and we made a bunch of new friends.









Did I mention that Dennis was kind of wasted?



Sometime after midnight, I was chatting to my new friends Cindy and Dan about their plans for a possible move to Hong Kong from Australia, when I realized that Dennis was slumped on a couch, with Felix in a quasi-headlock. Felix did not look particularly upset about this arrangement, but we decided it best to take some evasive action and go get some noodles.



The Chinese have a culture of staring.

If something or someone is deemed interesting - an attractive woman, a disabled person, a group of foreigners, or in our case, a very tall and stumbling Asian male - he is stared and pointed at and spoken to.

Dennis is the only tourist I know who goes to other countries and has his picture taken constantly by the locals. He likens it to being kind of like a celebrity.

Leaving the club, we were greeted by the usual Dennis fans, who all pester him about his height, or giggle or just yell "You are so tall!!!"

Usually, he smiles or just politely answers questions, but being 20 drinks deep and highly belligerent, Dennis took a different approach this time, yelling at the entire group of people waiting in line for the club: "You are all... SO... SMALL!!!"

This was received with cheers and laughter. Yay! The tall Asian is funny too!!!

Having a group of people laugh and cheer at a Drunk Dennis comment is like giving positive reinforcement to a 5-year-old.

Dennis continually repeated his triumphant roaring of: "You are all SO SMALL" every five minutes or so for the rest of the evening to random cowering passers-by, occasionally adding-in: "I WILL SQUASH YOU!".

The thing about tall people is that they tend to walk very quickly and not notice, especially when 20 drinks deep, leaving me and Felix jogging frantically behind Dennis to keep up.

Felix, who is a fabulous dancer, added skipping, dancing and clicking his heels to the routine.

At one point, Dennis' friend Eugene texted him, asking us to come to the Grand Hyatt for another party. Dennis texted back: "Sorry. Wasted. Vomiting everywhere." (He wasn't actually.)
.
He stands by this statement as an effective way to bail on plans.

..................

The subway was a nightmare.



Dennis was practically falling on everyone, swinging around the subway car-handles like a very drunk "monky". He was right, he COULD crush everyone. There was a baby carriage next to us that Dennis nearly squashed, and after uselessly scolding him several times, the mother got off the train. I was annoyed and also scolded Dennis. He shrugged, swung around his subway pole, and drunkenly replied, "Whellll mayyybe certain PEEEEple should get bigger BABBBYYYY CARRIAGES!!!!"

I shot him a look of dismay. "Come on Dennis. Seriously?"

It went right over his head as he continued swinging and twirling.

At this point I realized some German tourists were taking pictures of the whole scene. I turned to them and said, "Oh God. Please stop." Dennis wanted to be in the pictures, but Dennis was also having trouble standing upright.

The noodle place was not where we thought it would be. But, in Hong Kong it is not hard to find another. We sat down to a greasy table and stares from everyone in the restaurant. I tried to order (Dennis could not) but the restaurant had given me menus of food they weren't serving late-night. Felix kept telling me that: "It's fine" and to order: "Chicken-Pork-Chicken" which was of zero help.

Dennis, meanwhile, kept pointing to the menu saying to the waitress "We'll have THIS...and THIS....and THIS..." when everything he was pointing to was in the condiment section.

We finally got menus and ordered 3 bowls of wonton-noodle soup and some drinks.



When our food came, Felix added hot sauce which resulted in a concoction that was so hot it was inedible. He had tears streaming down his face, and was laughing hard. Felix was spooning chucks of shaved ice from his soda into his soup and mouth to cool off.

Dennis kept trying to add a certain sauce out of a group of like six sauces to his noodles but kept picking the wrong one, and exclaiming "AHhhHH!!! It's the WRONG SAUCE!!!" before picking a different one (or sometimes the same one) and trying another one.

Dennis also was not coordinated enough to eat with chopsticks or a fork and knife and so instead opted to eat (ineffectively) with his face, splattering me with soup/sauce constantly.



At the time, it was NOT amusing.



Dennis practically fell into his noodles, and I kept grabbing his head to prevent it from hitting the bowl. I got the check.

When Dennis was done, he called the waiters over 3 times to ask for the check even though I already had it, and then he kept standing up even though Felix was still eating.

Finally he just got up and walked out.

I told Felix, "Felix, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're on the move."

Felix shoved a final mouthful of noodles in his mouth and we scurried out of the restaurant (with noodles still dribbling from Felix's mouth) to find Dennis already a block away making his way zig-zaggedly toward an ice cream truck (late night Hong Kong is so random).

Felix got us ice cream, and I handed mine to Dennis, who promptly dropped it face-down on the sidewalk within seconds.

Dennis looked at it and then looked up at me with the saddest little puppy dog eyes saying, "I really did want to eat it..."




Getting a cab home was difficult.

There were few cabs going off of Hong Kong Island. Other people kept hailing them further up the road. I tried to motivate the group to another block, but it took some time, and keeping Dennis from getting run over was hard enough.

I got an economics lesson while we waited. Felix proposed waving 500-dollar bills at cabs. He explained to me that people respond to incentives, and that Hong Kong is a free market, so someone had to stop eventually. Dennis was busy chasing down cabs that were already full and giving them the finger.

We got a cab in the end, and somehow managed to get home in one piece.

And then Dennis twisted his ankle.

Happy New Year!!!