Most awful dream

Oh my god I just woke up from the most awful dream I think I've ever had.

I dreamed that I was going to get the death penalty tonight.

Why? For three main charges: filing false documents stating I had abdominal pain when I didn't really, laughing too loud, and peeing in the shower.

It was awful.

I was laughing when the judge sentenced me because I thought it was all so ridiculous. But then it hit me. I had about 5 hours before I was due at the lethal injection room and I went through all my things and picked out things to bring over to the post office to mail to my friends. I picking a bunch of DVDs to send to Danny (specifically my DVD of The Covenant) and my giant stuffed frog (Pfat the Frog) to Smileyjohn and a bunch of my favorite expensive shirts and D&G Hoodie to Dr Dan and my taco costume to Connie.

And then I updated my facebook status to say I was getting the death penalty and NOBODY BELIEVED ME and wrote the most awful things on my wall like "Congratulations" and "Sucks man! LOL".

I woke up basically crying.

I have never been more happy to be alive. And awake.

This weekend is going to be wonderful. Campus Dance. And Megoon is getting MARRIED!

Alright, I'm off to pick up my car and drive up to RI!

Laura's Dream

from Laura Meatin [laurameatin@gmail.com]
to DK [dk@gmail.com]
date Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 4:58 PM
subject dreamz

hide details 4:58 PM (14 hours ago)

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Denny!

I'm coming to New York again, from the 11th to the 16th.

You were in my dream last night and, incidentally, had learned to
speak Spanish and were the program director at a women's shelter. I
don't know if you have new life developments to tell me about, so
clearly we'll have to catch up in person.

Hugs!

Laura

Weird Dream - Crazy Cab

So I keep having this dream that there's a blind cab driver in the city.

And no one really does anything about him. He's just one of those quintessential New York beings like the Naked Cowboy or Donald Trump.

The great thing is you can pay him however much you want and he never really knows the difference. He kind of just trusts that you'll get it right. And really who would take advantage of a poor little blind man?

But of course since he can't see, sometimes you don't get where you were wanting to go.

And sometimes you die.

Weird dream.

Dad and Uncle Bill (Kristy's dad) both have a history of mean-ness toward little children.

Kristy grew up terrified of my dad, while Sandra and I grew up terrified of Uncle Bill.

I specifically remember a childhood summer incident where Kristy and I snuck around the house late at night (9pm) to make snacks for horse camp and my dad caught us and there was so much screaming and crying it was the most terrifying day of my life.

Well anyyyywayyyyy... last night I had a dream that Uncle Bill was trying to kill me.

The details are not clear anymore. I just remember he was chasing me through the woods like a bear and my hair looked really good. But I was scared. And RUNNING.

I called my dad for help. But all he did was pick up the phone and start yelling at me. I don't remember why. Probably for disturbing him during Oprah or something.

But finally I grew a pair and yelled back, "WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? I'M ABOUT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!"

That kind of shut him up.

------------------------------------

Uncle Bill and my Dad are nice now.

SUPER WEIRD DREAM

Oh my god stop with the weird dreams already.

So I had this dream that I'm living in a movie.

And Patricia Clarkson (the mom in Vicky Cristina Barcelona) (also plays the chef lady in the awful Catherine Zeta Jones movie about chefs in love) is married to Harrison Ford who plays my dad, but then takes a younger lover played by Josh Hartnett.

But at a certain point she decides she can't be Unfaithful anymore. And I have no idea why Unfaithful is capitalized but it is because I guess that is a movie similar to this one.

So Patricia decides to stop being Unfaithful and trips Josh Hartnett on the driveway of some park. And he's lying on his back. And then leans over to kiss him, but instead slowly burns off his face with a blowtorch.

And somehow he's ok with it all and just cries a little. (You know, because he wants her to be a good person too.) And they just play violin-y romantic music while she's doing it.

And then Harrison Ford has a car accident, that she can only hear but can't see.

And I think this happens like within seconds of her burning Josh's face off.

And Josh has to wear a Tom Cruise style Vanilla Sky face mask which he later replaces with bloody mummy-bandages. And whenever I see him I'm like "dude, please go with the creepy plastic face mask."

And then things start to spiral out of control. (As if they haven't already when Patricia Clarkson burns off Josh Hartnett's face lovingly...)

Oh and then somehow my dad/Harrison Ford is walking a golden retriever up a hill and we discover Anderson Cooper 360 Headquarters which has a giant orange flag with a big koala bear face on it which I guess is his new emblem. And then my dad goes into the public restroom outside AC 360 Headquarters which is when I sneak off to call into the show. And he gets annoyed with me (Anderson does) for calling into his show every day.

And I excitedly take a dorky picture under the Koala Bear flag and am so excited as I'm tagging it on Facebook that I wake up.

Another really weird dream.

I dreamed that I was awoken to the sound of quiet squeaking and I opened the door to my bedroom to see a weird cylindrical ventilation shaft across the hall at eye level and there was a little white mouse with an elf costume on running around and making "music" on a little plastic flute.

Suddenly someone came around the corner and it was Penn Badgely and seeing the mouse he screamed and jumped up on a chair shouting, "A MOUSE! A MOUSE!!!! KILLLLLL ITTTT!!!!!"

(Also he had a pair of cymbals he was clapping together loudly.)

The little mouse became all alarmed from the commotion and jumped from the shaft onto the white carpet of my room and started scurrying around in circles.

I grabbed a shoe and smashed it.

It bled fluorescent pink everywhere. Really weird.

Penn was still shrieking "GET RIDDDD OF IT!!!!" So I grabbed some paper towels and scooped up the mouse carcass but I guess the fluorescent bleeding was arterial or something and it continued to spray fluorescent pink everywhere (keep in mind this was a teeny tiny mouse) as I ran to drop it into the toilet. The more it sprayed the more he screamed.

Finally I flushed the mouse away and went over to Penn, who was still standing on the chair cringing, rolled my eyes, shot him a look of disdain, and snatched back my cymbals.

What. A. Wuss.

Weird Naia dream

I just had a dream that Naia was going to have a white trash-themed destination wedding in Cabo tomorrow (along with two other brides) and it was going to air on Dr. Phil.

I was all anxious that we were about to be late for our flight because Stupid Felix would not stop trying on Halloween costumes.

Kathryn's dream

I think we should start a weird and hilarious dream blog.

I definitely have my share of them.

And then we can compile all the ridiculous dreams and sell them as a book a la Postcards From Yo Momma.

Yay?

Start sending me your weird and ridiculous dreams.

Speaking of silly dreams...

I had an awful nightmare a few days ago that we showed up at the Spice Girls concert and it was being held in some tiny high school auditorium and the only person that showed up was BABY SPICE.

Needless to say I woke up screaming.

Silly dream

I had a silly dream last night.

I dreamt that I was having a conversation with Felix in which we were discussing his dad's vegetarianism.

He said something about how his dad doesn't eat meat...except that he does sometimes eat the vocal cords of a goat.

The only plausible explanation I was able to come up with for that (in my dream) was that Felly's dad is allowed to eat meats that rhyme. In this case, GOAT THROAT.

This was literally what occupied my brain upon waking and it seemed so real (and also Felix was in the room getting ready for work) that I asked him about it.

He thinks I'm weird.

(Also it is not true. Felix's dad is fully vegetarian.)

Weird dream

I had a dream last night that I went to some cheesy restaurant that was set up like a German beer hall or something (you know, with like the long connected tables that everyone sits at, see below) and Christian was on stage all sweaty and singing karaoke.



Later there was an argument between me and some hoodlums and I got shot in the stomach.

Anyone have a dream book that can tell me what it all means?

Megoon's dream...

From: Megoon Mailed-By: gmail.com
Reply-To: Megoon@alumni.duke.edu
To: DK
Date: Aug 24, 2006 6:13 AM
Subject: weirdness

ok, so i had this dream that tim loh's family and my family were going to asia together on some kind of spaceship-sized plane that was done up like a really fancy hotel inside and timloh and i were having sex all over the place while our parents were sleeping and then we got caught and i've never even MET timloh and it is WEIRD!>!>!>!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess it is true that women around the world drop their panties at the mention of his name.

m

Weird dream.

I've been having this recurring dream where I'm back in school and I have an exam the next day and I realize that I've never been to a single lecture.

I wake up with an enormous feeling of dread.

Anyone else?

Tofu Mountain

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamt about a movie, starring Heath Ledger and Matt Damon as gay cowboys living on a mountain and eating tofu.

And every time they kissed little tofus sprung up from the grass like mushrooms and hopping forest creatures. And they laughed and played (naked) in all their tofu glory.

Then I woke up, realizing that the gay cowboy thing had already been done, and felt kind of foolish.



The movie co-starred Kiefer Sutherland and Queen Latifah.

Ooooh...weird dream.

So I had this dream (and this is probably The Island-related) but I dreamed that I was a fugitive on the run. Not sure, but I might have been a clone of someone. Anyway, we were holed up in this Best Western in the middle of nowhere and some people kept bringing our luggage because there was so much of it (by the way, my clone-partner was Oprah).

And then Oprah kept offering me candies and chocolates and I kept telling her I don't really want them because I'm afraid of getting cavities.

And she said, "Well I'm afraid of people robbing me so stop fucking forgetting to lock the door!"

And then I woke up.